The Best (and Worst) Goodbye Email Ever

You know how when coworkers leave they typically send out that sweet, gushy, goodbye email with a tone that would lead you to believe that they were going to pick up the torch and continue Mother Theresa’s work in Calcutta, as opposed to working second-shift at the customer service counter at the local bait and tackle store?

Some years ago, we had a situation where an employee needed to be removed from the organization after a rather public display of insubordination. Because of the number of employees who witnessed or where indirectly involved, our President made the wise choice of sending out a company-wide email in which he tactfully spelled out the conditions and reasoning behind “Don’s” departure.

One small problem.

We forgot to shut off Don’s email.

Yep, he received the President’s email and decided to share his unique insight into the situation via a company-wide reply.

Just a word here. We are sharing this because we reminding those who are considering a borderline candidate for an open position, that there are fates far worse than being a little short handed.

All of the names below are fictitious.

To all employees, Don’s employment with ACME was terminated because the executive staff is horrible to say the least. I couldn’t take it any more. These cheap executives you all work for are out for themselves…and themselves only. I am not lying to you all…this is a fact. They are cheap and expect you to be happy out it.

The reason why you’re considered a “second tier” company has nothing to do with the products, but everything to do with the executives. What you have in this company is a first rate product and a junior varsity executive team. These idiots are still living in the product mode…they have no clue how to run an enterprise software organization.

The Biggest Idiot of all is Bill Heller. He has lied to me constantly about various issues…do not believe anything he tells you!!! I have no idea how this moron was hired to begin with. Bill is a CHEAP VP of sales. Typical of ACME’s style!!!

Here’s an idea for the President, bring me back, get rid of those idiots…and together we’ll build out a world class organization!!!

If I am not treated fairly by the end of the day today, all industry analysts will soon get the same messages I am sharing with you now…after all, I do have time on my hands. I have never been more disgusted with the actions of a company before, and all of a sudden, I am interested in making sure you fail.

Don

So let’s recap Don’s position shall we?

A. Our company, and its executives, where horrible, cheap, and second-tier

B. The President should really consider hiring Don back, and fire the rest of his executive staff

C. Finally, if there was not an adequate response to this manifesto, Don would begin black mailing the company immediately. In addition, he personally wanted to see us fail (we didn’t).

For the record, Don’s a Yankee.

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