I Hate Lazy Email Scammers

You know, if you are going to dig ditches for a living, dig the best ditches in town.

No matter your lot in life, perform at your best.

The other day I received the following email

Subject: FROM KOWEL KORA VERY URGENT CALL ME 00226 78900 722

Vous êtes invité ::		FROM KOWEL KORA VERY URGENT CALL ME 00226 78900 722
Par votre hôte:		Kowel Kora
Message:		I am Kowel Kora in Dakar Senegal. I will like to seek your assistance in receiving and investing the sum of 5.5M Pounds held in a finance company in Ouaga, Burkina Faso. The money was deposited by my late father who was killed by the rebels during the uprising in my country Abidjan-Cote d’ Ivoire.We have confirmed the validity of this deposit.I look forward to hearing from you. Call me 00226 78900 722 Immediately you recieve this mail. Reply me on this email address: kowelkora1@yahoo.fr Kowel
Date:		mercredi, 12 mars 2008
Heure:		17 h 00 – 18 h 00 (GMT+00:00)
Viendrez-vous ?		Répondre à cette invitation

Kowel, you lazy bastard.

I do not claim to be a subject matter expert, but I can tell you, your efforts in your scam email are sub-par, mediocre at best.

First of all, where is the reference to a religious deity whose guidance lead you to seek me out? Everyone knows that email inspired by a higher being gets priority in spam filters. Based on your email, it seems that you just picked my email randomly. I mean really, who does that?

Secondly, where’s the sense of urgency? Don’t you have some rebels or bank regulators breathing down your neck looking to impound that which is rightfully yours? Hell, with you, I can just take my time, have a few beers, call you on the weekend when rates are cheaper…….seriously….have you never run an email scam before?

And finally, and this is the worst of all, where is that borderline illegal activity that makes this offer seem a little more exciting? dramatic ? Hell, I blog for fun, it doesn’t take much to get me excited there Kowel.

Quite frankly Kowel, you can keep your 5.5mil pounds. I am pulling in so much loot at my dream Russian scam job (see below) that I really don’t need to bother.

Here’s a tip Kowel, oh…oh..wait…wait…..I am being guided by the spirit of Hank Williams (the dead one, not the one who does Monday Night Football)….Hank has inspired me to reach out to you with this investment opportunity for your father’s money………wait…..wait….Hank’s speaking to me……….get him a beer…..got it….anything for Kowel, Hank?…….ok……thanks.

Kowel, the holy spirit of Hank Williams has lead me to reach out to you with this wonderful investment opportunity. I and millions of Grand Ole Opry fans pray that you will be the one that can receive this wonderful advantage. But Kowel, time is of the most urgent, for you see the U.S. National Bank is about to buy all of these wonderful investments and you must transfer your fathers money into a U.S. clearing account that will be in my name, immediately.

With the gracious funds left to you by your brave father and with the spirit of Hank we will buy sub-prime mortgages, they are at a good price, but they are about to rebound and rise dramatically in price, turning your 5.5mil pounds into $50,000 dollars.

Of course there will be the normal excise, transfer, and boondoggle taxes, but all I ask in return for this great opportunity is a small percentage of your money, to glorify Hank of course.

See how easy it is?

Good Gosh, Apply Yourself.