So you are a sales director or a regional manager and you have suspicions that some members of your team may be looking for a career switch. Here’s a quick reference to help you decide who is staying, and who is not.
- Shows up to work, exceedingly happy, like a guy who just came from the clinic and found that, no, Paris Hilton, didn’t give him “The gift that keeps on giving”.
- While cold calling, asks to speak to the “Head A**hole in Charge”
- Refers to your cutting edge solution as “A disaster in a box”
- During demo, explains that, while not proven, he suspects that your new offering causes severe testicular shrinkage in Caucasian Methodists
- On casual Fridays, shows up wearing “pornographic” T-Shirt that features an incredibly accurate likeness of your wife
- Updates company email signature to include his personal email address lovemachine12@yahoo.com
- Instead of the customary “hey”, greets everyone with a hug and whispers “come with me if you want to live”
- Asks for assistance in downloading sales database to his jump drive. The new one emblazoned with your competitor’s logo.
- Chats up manager by asking if he ever realized that his Porsche Boxter is more of a chick’s car
- His LinkedIn profile has more personal detail than his DNA and the Title “For the Love of All This Holy, Get My Fat Ass Out of this Hellhole”.
- His last expense reports include items ranging from “Mileage” to “War in Afghanistan”.
- During team meeting, complements managers by saying their level of competence is on par with Michelle Bachmann’s debate performance.
