Category Archives: Schmuck Factor

Dated competitive intel is about as useful as a Kardashian math tutor

Competitive intelligence can help you position your solution on higher ground if used properly, but if you’re an idiot, it can be accelerate to a quick departure.

The best way to start this story is from the end. We hired a sales rep, Steve, who had recently worked at a competitor, “Blue Spot Technologies”. After his hiring, Steve shared how, at his old company, he competed against us once at an account that was one of the most bizarre and easiest wins for him and his company. He barely put forth any effort and was sure that he had lost when he received a phone call asking for contracts and the client’s nervous desire to be implemented as quickly as possible.

Now, as we rewind a little, the situation was that “Horizons Corporation” was evaluating solutions and had narrowed the finalist down to us and Blue Spot.

As part of their due diligence Horizons decided to have a PoC or “Proof of Concept” exercise. A PoC is where a vendor comes on-site and installs a reasonable representation of the proposed solution and has the technical teams and client users perform scripted exercises. As a vendor I despise these things, but if I were recommending how to evaluate solutions, this would be it.

So we schedule the PoC with Horizons with our rep Don and the Sales Engineer, DJ, the guy who would have to do the majority of the work.

As always seems to be the case, Horizons was located a good distance away from a major airport and our team had to drive several hours to reach their location. Because of scheduling conflicts DJ and Don had to travel separately.

DJ arrived early morning the first day and spent the better part of the day installing, configuring, and finally setting up our PoC system.

One of the issues that we were battling was that Blue Spot’s user interface was perceived as superior and our team’s job was to educate the prospect that the effectiveness of a user interface is relative to the task at hand.

While Blue Spot’s interface was great for editing content that was already posted on a website, it was poorly designed for creating a multi-page document, one of our strengths. After numerous hours, DJ’s attention to detail and thorough alignment of our solution with their challenges was yielding us some leverage in the evaluation.

With two hours left in the day, Don showed up.

Don enters the office, makes a brief exchange of handshakes and asks for a private office where he “could make some calls”. Nothing like putting the prospect first.

After some time Don emerges and declares” Who want steaks!!!? Tell me your best steakhouse in town and we are going!!!!!” The legend continues that he finished this off with some Neanderthal “booyaaa”, but those reports can’t be confirmed.

Two poor saps, who didn’t really want to go, but felt awkward in not accepting this sudden display of generosity, raised their hands.

On a side note here, our marketing team was responsible for maintaining a library of intelligence on our competitors. The challenge is this endeavor is that your competition doesn’t inform you of updates, so it was our understanding that we used this information only to help establish our position, not as a fodder for a full frontal assault. In fact at that time our intelligence on Blue Spot was pushing 18 months old. Don was given explicit instructions, DO NOT SHARE THIS WITH A PROSPECT!!!

So after some very expensive steaks, Don whips out the document and starts going down point by point. “Blue Spot can’t do this, so that’s bad” to which the prospect replies “No actually they do that, in fact, come to think of it, they do it better than you do”.

At this point DJ, not one to enjoy witnessing career suicide, picks up his drink and goes to play Golden Tee.

15 minutes later, DJ returns to the table to witness the prospect actually defending Blue Spot, with a fervor and zeal that exceeded the pitch that they received from the Blue Spot Sales Rep the previous week.

Don, unfazed by the omnipresent sense of failure, continues on to the second page of the out-dated intelligence document. The prospects respond with a stunned silence that was on line with what you would hear if someone quite loudly broke wind in church.

The after dinner coffees are finished and the members of the Horizons team bolt out the restaurant like greyhounds.

Don decides to debrief DJ over a few beers.

Don: “Man, that went great. It is ours to lose”.

DJ: “No……No…I don’t think so”

DJ then points out that at one point Don threw this gem out there “”OK requirement one… interface. So our interface is… you know what, I’m just going to give that one to Blue Spot, let’s take that off the table, ok?”

DJ was so enraged that he unconsciously snapped his pen while having the discussion. It was metal.

We lost the deal. Steve got his blue-bird phone call. DJ was reassigned away from Don.

Don was arrested the following week for trying to solicit sodomy from a state trooper.

Advertisements

2 Comments

Filed under Business Humor, Great Sales Sins, Sales Presentations, Sales Strategies, Schmuck Factor

Signs Your Sales Leader is a Total Schmuck

One of those facts that you don’t really find in the 1000s of business books out there is that a Schmuck Vice President (SVP) in the wrong position can dramatically reduce the effectiveness of any organization, especially the sales team.

In working with members of the blog, we came up with a list of traits that have defined some of the schmuckier executives with whom we have had the experiencing of interacting.

10. Could eat corn on the cob through a barbed wire fence
Our first SVP had the bad fortune of having some of the worst dental work in recorded history. In addition to gross incompetence, this VP was characterized by an overbite that would have surely landed him a gig as an attraction in a low-budget fair and/or carnival.

Before you go and get all “peace on Earth and good will to all who resemble Howdy Doody” remember that a bad overbite can be fixed. If you are going to be an effective sales professional you need to have a physical appearance that merits a better reaction than “holy crap, I better go floss”.

9. Drives the same car you did in college, when you were broke
You are responsible for driving millions of dollars of revenue for an enterprise software company. You are in the big leagues with competitors like IBM, Microsoft, etc… You have a team of 30+ hungry sales professionals all eager to go out and take over the world….and you show up for work driving an Accord with cloth seats that you bought in the Bush (I) administration.

8. Has worked for your competitors, all of them, with an average tenure of 4 months
The schmuck factor here is not really focused on the schmuck himself but the uber-schmuck who hired him. “But he has industry experience” was the reasoning we heard from mahogany row with this winner was hired. Shockingly his tenure with us lasted…..about 4 months.

7. First day, suggests outsourcing the whole company to India
Ok maybe not the first day, but new SVP, starts talking aloud about how our East Coast-based inside sales team would be more effective based in the mid-west, maybe Colorado. In fact he has a friend who owns a telemarketing service out there, he’ll setup a meeting. Fun part was that he shared this information publicly with all of those whose jobs would be eliminated if the move where to happen, in his first few days on the job. Thank goodness he only last 4 months.
6. Supposed to have a killer Rolodex, can’t use email
How many newly hired executives have come on board with the claim of a personal network that, with a few well-placed phone calls, will generate millions in new revenue?

When your comp plan is about 20% below market and one of these “Power Networkers” shows up for an interview, go light up the schmuck signal.

5. Second day on job, promises raises to entire staff

What’s the saying? If you have to inform people of your level of importance, most likely it isn’t that high. How many new SVPs have come on board with promises like “oh yeah, you are underpaid I’m going to the Board tonight and I will fight for you”. Only to have #4 happen.

4. Third day, retracts said raises from entire staff
“Ummm, yeah, hey while I think you are great, the board told me no. By the way, can you give me a lift? My accord is in the shop.”

3. In contract negotiations with prospective clients, praises “partnership” of the two companies, offers a 2% discount if the contracts can be signed and teleported to HQ via star trek technology.
“I know that we are 20% more expensive than our brand name competitor, but we can get you an ACME t-shirt for you and 2 members of your team. But only if you agree to pay for the shipping on the t-shirts”

2. After repeated pleas from Sales Director “For the love of god, do not call the prospect’s purchasing department”, calls prospect’s purchasing department, gets purchase order pulled out system, forcing 6 month delay on purchase.
If you have ever sold to the government you know that the GSA purchasing doesn’t give a damn about your quarterly number.

1. Did not negotiate personal compensation plan.
If you are interviewing prospective candidates for an executive sales position, and they do not negotiate at all…….please throw the schmuck flag.

Do you know a schmuck? If so email us at Sales.Wars@gmail.com , and together we can find a cure for this dreadful, executive condition.

Bonus

Last week of the month/quarter/year walks around the office proclaiming “I will have that guy’s (the prospect’s) job if he doesn’t get that P.O. in by the end of the month

Leave a comment

Filed under Business Humor, Great Sales Sins, Leadership, Management, Schmuck Factor